Depression

Depression has many faces, yet it is faceless. 

Not everyone who is depressed has a sad face. 

Depression can be the inability to motivate oneself, yet you drag yourself through the day. 

Depression can be the inability to face doing laundry, so you buy more sheets to put on the bed, rather than clean the ones you have. 

Depression can be having the tv on, but not watching. 

Depression can be just standing in the kitchen looking at the pots and pans that need washing, but not seeing anything. 

Depression can be retreating into your own “safe zone”, distancing yourself from the world around you. 

Depression can be obsessing on one tiny thing but doing nothing. 

Depression is usually silent, but at the same time deafening. 

Depression can be intermittent the smallest thing can set it off. 

Depression can be overwhelming…sinking further into a quicksand of sadness and hopelessness. 

Depression can be spontaneous tears, without a reason. 

Depression can be like a vice tightening grip, but endless spaciousness. 

Depression can be overindulgence, but also sacrificing everything. 

Depression can be staring into space but seeing nothing. 

Depression can be extreme procrastination, coming to no conclusion. 

Depression can be constant worry about others to mask your own personal worries

Depression can be worrying about your financial health but refusing to look at your credit card statement

Depression can be a wave of sadness and despair that engulfs you, yet you cannot bear to be a burden to anyone

Worrying .. what if…this is something that is continual .. others say stop worrying… but you can’t. 

That poor cat outside in the freezing cold..so you build it a kennel and feed it. But there are so many more. 

That poor homeless man, you give him a hot sandwich and hot sweet coffee.. but there are so many more. 

Worrying about your future.  Your support system for friendship is great, but everyone else has their own shit to deal with. You cannot burden them. 

Despair… sadness … you try and only look at happy things on social media,  but that one article about 11 cats taped up in boxes and left to die catches your eyes…and here we go again. The mist of sadness and despair engulfs you. 

It is easy to retreat into yourself, but I have sought counseling and therapy. Life is tough, but we are tougher. Help is just a call away.

Laura Howard